Fanofthevan - Steve Rooker´s 1955 samba: april 2017

A year since the last time I blogged about VW buses, my samba build and the stuff I do.

SO WHATS BEEN HAPPENING ?

Unfortunately the end of my marriage, 13 years living together came to an end, If you have been through the end of a long relationship then you know it takes a while to get through and make sense of it all, for me it felt like a monumental wipe-out - one minute your still flying high on top of the wave, you worked hard to get there and now your on top, ok it might have sketchy moments but your standing up and your doing your best to keep it all together and then suddenly some one pulls the board from under your feet way to early, you wobble and then you fall, there is no going back, its already in motion, your falling and you are alone, shock, surprise and fear all jump in.

Hastiness for survival - sink or swim?

Looking back now I can see that I'm very lucky, cant imagine how you deal with big life changes with out close family in your life. I have a fantastic dad and a small but close family and of course i have some good close friends, so although I am in another country far away from being able to just pop around to see them, Instead for me they are just a slide and finger push away. They have all helped me deal with this last year no end. If I can give any advice to guys going through this id say it is so crucial to talk, and to the correct people, people who get you, close friends or people that have been there and just keep talking it out, I did this all the time, sometimes you drive your self crazy but at least you are getting it out, some days feel like its all lost and there is no light in sight, despair and anger is normal, deal with it and make peace, take any blame away, it will just eat you up, especially any that you bring on your self, resentment comes and all the time you worry about falling into depression, keep that away by meeting people and when you feel low speak to someone, its amazing how much a conversation with a friend can lift your spirits.

So after the first knock down you have to get ready for more, you pop up for a a second, grab a breath, and then along comes the next wave crashing down on you, it could be anything, what to do financially, or missing not being a full time parent, what ever it is, its one more knock down that you will grow from and these smaller waves are all just washing you towards the shore, they keep coming but every time they become easier to deal with each one making you a little stronger and a whole lot wiser, so you grab another quick breath of air and allow yourself to get sucked down again - don't fight the process, but make sure you fight for your rights, then just go with the flow and soon your through it, and eventually the turbulence subsides, when it all calms down you know that your now washed up on the beach, this is a good thing, your no longer on that big out of control wave thats still smashing down behind you with others falling repeatedly, its never ending, your not on your own here!

Now you have to embrace something new and you have things such as inner peace and calm in your life again and you can breath. Here is the place that you can finally accept whats happened and adjust your self.

I found writing helped, I wrote down what I missed about my old life but also what opportunities were now available.. what to look forward too, the old dreams have gone and its time to make new ones, check them every now and again, it helps.

Its also crucial that you keep relations as best as possible with your ex while separation and divorce happens when you have children together - its not there fault that the marriage failed, and so although at times it was very difficult to even be in the same space, with time you can get through it and make a new relationship together, this is hugely important to show to your children, probably one of the hardest things to do and of course needs both parties to be willing to make it work.

Time to relax before deciding to paddle back out or just lie on the beach for a while.....

I did a bit of both, some times not feeling like doing anything, feeling sad and lonely and then sometimes diving into the garage or thrashing lengths out at the swimming pool, and walking around, it was all good for me when I felt low, it was a lonely time, not many people locally that I could hang out with, so I started doing things on my own, screw it just do it! I made my play lists, listened to a lot of music that fitted my feelings and focused mostly on quality time with my boys and knew that this was just a time that would eventually pass. When the boys were with me it was easy, when they were not it was much harder, as time went on I managed to get things moving along with the samba a little too, although for a while I thought that I might have to sell it, so thinknig of working on it at that time felt horrible, luckily my dad helped me out and me and my ex wife made a deal - huge relief, after that when I knew I could keep it I started to enjoy the garage time again and this old bus brought a lot of energy back in my life it became a part of who I am again and now I wonder and dream again of what adventures it will take me and the boys on in the future, it has helped me see light at the end of the tunnel, its really beginning to get a soul - Keeper !!!!

Boys enjoying the racing and weekends away

champ

A lot of racing went on, I was feeling very stressful all of last year, the separation, the racing, taking care of the boys, bikes and all that, it was all a lot to deal with and often I felt exhausted and overwhelmed.

I took a trip with Esty to Madrid, met Manuel...c ! and we all had a great time at Marias wedding, dancing the night away, It was the first time I was asked about my status and I had to reply that I am separated, and getting a divorce, it felt as weird as when your first married and you saying "my wife" for the first time. It was one of those moments when another wave hits you. ...

I Lost my Grandma Ruby on 5th august 2016 - RIP

another blow .....

but life goes on

Over in the UK 2016 - Rookers together again

us lot, all enjoying meeting up and hanging out.

below...

Me and Trish, along with chicken Joe and his mum and dad, all watching Paul Heaton and Jacqui Abbott in Thetford forest - awesome...

Travis and Lewis did great in their first ever championship -Travis came second in the Swedish championship . Pic below is us 3 coming home from the last epic race of the season.

I finally found a place in august and moved in - The boys were not so keen on the place, but it met the needs, we spent 6 months living here, it was big enough, the right price, but cold during the winter and a bit strange and isolated as we lived above a garage in an industrial area - another one of those waves, we went with it and made the most of the situation, the boys were great, they kept the spirits up.

Christmas 2016 and 2017 new year, me and the boys flew home to Cambridge, the first Christmas ever in the UK, looking forward to spending more with the Rooker family in the future. we had a lovely time, no stress, and celebrated Barry turning 40 ! a good night was had by all

we flew home on new years day.

2017 A turning point !

Things started to feel much more positive after visiting family and friends at Christmas

I had plenty of visits over the next few months and the samba moved forwards and I found a nice house to rent, somewhere that felt like a home - We moved in at the end of March 2017.